


Reforming

by LEDbiantastic



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LEDbiantastic/pseuds/LEDbiantastic
Summary: What if (in S1 E 21) Will decided to stay and fight instead of running? He probably would have been able to take them both. So then what? This story was me exploring that alternative outcome mostly as an excuse to write Carmilla enduring horrible torture to protect Laura. TW, torture, obviously.
Relationships: Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Reforming

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I know it’s a trope rooted in gross toxic masculinity, but as a Gryffindor butch with no pain tolerance I’ve always really loved the stoic hero who can endure anything, especially for the one they love. It’s one of my guilty pleasures. And I especially love applying it in f/f scenarios. TW this contains torture, and it’s about as brutal as I’m capable of writing. (Which, comparatively may not be as bad as I think it is?) This story also starts in that S1 E17-22 place that I love, except here the outcome ends up rather different when Will decides to stay and fight. 
> 
> If I should have rated it Explicit, please let me know and I'll try to change it, I'm not entirely sure where the lines are.

**Reforming**

Oh how I loved watching little Laura trying to fight off Will. It was, well, cute. Despite her flailing, she got in several good hits and blocked most of his. But, shortly he won, and dragged her back to me with her arms behind her back. _Let her go!_ I wanted to shout in his face. But I tried to affect unconcern—even amusement—at her capture. _He can’t know that I care._

With her back arched and her gray shirt hugging her slim frame, I had to admit it was slightly titillating the way he held her. _I could run my finger down her cheek and neck, between her breasts, and all the way down to her—­_ Will tightened his hold and she grimaced in pain— _Well this just stopped being funny._ When he threatened to kill her I reacted without thinking and hit him.

I must admit, the way she ran to hide behind me was rather gratifying. Every other part of me was frozen in horror at my impulsivity. _What are you doing?! Now he knows you won’t let them hurt her! God, Carmilla, you couldn’t have made it more obvious you care about her!_

“You’re going to regret that, kitty.” Will said, stepping menacingly towards me and raising his fists.

 _Already do._ I aimed a kick at his balls, hoping for a fast incapacitation. Between the garlic holding my supernatural speed and strength at bay and my recent starvation, he barely had to dodge. _If I were at full strength, I’d kick his ass easily and we both know it._ I went for a few more punches and kicks, all of which he blocked.

Out of nowhere, Laura scooted out from behind me and circled Will, trying to get behind him. He backed away to the side, trying to keep both of us in sight. _What now? I don’t know what you’re thinking, cupcake._ I couldn’t look directly at her or I’d take my eyes off Will. I feinted a punch, trying to draw Will’s attention. Laura feinted at the same time and we both danced back, out of Will’s reach.

Will laughed at us. “Scared, kitties?” He taunted.

“Would you please stop calling people ‘kitty?’ It’s gross and sexist and—and stupid!” Laura retorted, stepping closer to throw a punch or a kick.

She didn’t get a chance. Blindingly fast, Will crouched and swept her legs out from under her. With her on the floor, he turned to me. We fought hand to hand, but I was slow—too slow. I managed to get in a few hard blows, but precious few compared to the salvo that rained on me. Even while royally kicking my ass, Will managed to keep Laura on the ground with a chop to her back every time she tried to get up.

When he had me on the ropes, panting like a human—vampires don’t _need_ to breathe, but exertion requires oxygenated blood—he turned to Laura and delivered a devastating kick to her temple.

 _No!_ I started forward, an involuntary movement.

Will was ready for me, punching me in the gut. When I bent forward from the impact, his fist came down on my head.

I woke up bundled over his shoulder like a helpless damsel. _How humiliating._ Turning my head, I saw that Laura was over his other shoulder. Somehow, there was not a person in sight. No one to notice how odd it was for one guy to be carrying two people. He carried us into the Dean’s office and triggered the secret door to her private rooms on campus, leading to her own special, private dungeon and her cabal of the undead.

Laura woke up as they were tying our hands to rings in the stone ceiling. She grunted, pulled, and squirmed.

_It’s not going to help, cupcake. If anything, it’ll make it worse to struggle. You’ll have awful rope burn before they even start with the torture._

I stayed still, not reacting at all. If I’d stretched out one of my legs, I could almost touch her; she was so close by my side. _I need to stay in control. There might still be a way for me to salvage this._ I couldn’t have said whom I was trying to salvage this _for_. _If I can just convince them that I’m still on their side, I might be able to get us—her—me—out of this._

My mother sauntered into the dungeon. “Hello sweetheart.” She said to me, flashing a cold smile. Then she turned to Laura. “And you must be Laura, the little mouse sniffing about in my plans.”

Laura gulped audibly.

_Oh muffin, don’t show her how scared you are. She likes it. She’ll use it._

“Little mouse, thinking she can handle vampires. Well, I’m going to teach you some things about vampires, little mousie.”

Mother turned to me. “As for you, sweet daughter of mine, William tells me you protected the sacrifice. Perhaps your delays in procuring her were for reasons other than trying to keep our machinations hidden.”

“I was only protecting your interests, Maman. Will was going to eat her, right in front of me.”

“Is that so?” She turned to Will, who was standing by the door.

“I was planning to weaken her so she’d be easier to bring, Mother.”

“Yeah right.” I muttered. Then louder, “He was going to kill her just to mess up my standing with you, Mother. He said so.”

“She’s lying. And instead of asking me what I was doing, she tried to fight me.” Will motioned to his face, where a plum-colored black eye was blooming across a full quarter of his face.

“Did she hurt you, sweet William?” Mother crooned at him.

Will pressed his case: “Don’t forget, if precious Carmilla had moved along and taken the girl right away, we wouldn’t be worried about her nosing around in our business.” Will smirked at me. “Those pesky videos would have stopped when they’d barely begun and we wouldn’t have anyone asking questions about anything that happens on campus.”

_I hope I get another shot at him someday. I’d wipe that grin right off his face._

Mother nodded like she’d made a decision and gestured to one of the minions standing behind her. He stepped forward carrying a giant rack full of all shapes and sizes of weapon. He put it down, and then all the minions left.

Mother looked at me. “My dear Carmilla, I would so like to have you stay in the fold, but I simply cannot trust your loyalty at this juncture.” She went to the rack and picked up a knife. “I’m hoping that with a little encouragement,” She drew out the word as she ran one finger along the blade, “you’ll remember where you belong and be more willing to do what must be done.” A drop of her blood pooled at her fingertip and dropped to the floor before the wound closed itself. She was so powerful that she could heal even faster than a normal vampire.

I shut my eyes to shut her out. _Prepare yourself, Carmilla, she’s going to torture you. And you know she’s very good at it._

When I opened my eyes, mother stood in front of Laura. “Now, pay attention, Mousie.” She used the flat of the blade to lift Laura’s chin. “You want to know about vampires? I will teach you. First lesson on vampires: They’re very hard to kill.” She twisted to me and plunged the knife into my heart.

“Guh—” I choked, holding back the pain and rage at the feeling of the blade lodged in my heart.

“Carm!” Laura gasped—an involuntary reaction—and then whimpered at the sight of the knife sticking out of my chest.

 _Shut up shut up shut up! If she thinks you care even a little, she’ll make it so much worse!_ I desperately wished I could communicate to her without anyone hearing.

“’Carm?’” Maman repeated. She looked at me and raised her eyebrows.

 _How do I salvage this? She always knows what I’m thinking; she can always tell when I’m lying. But I need to convince her that I don’t care about Laura at all._ “Evidently, she thinks being roommates entitles her to familiarity.” I said, making my voice haughty and aloof.

“Hm.” She didn’t sound convinced. Turning back to Laura, she yanked out the knife. “Lesson two. A vampire begins healing almost immediately, but the process takes time. The more recently a vampire has fed, the faster the vampire heals.” Mother ran a finger down my cheek. “Poor, Carmilla, I don’t think she’s had enough to eat lately.”

I felt the edges of the slice in my heart begin to come together, incrementally, molecule by molecule melding flesh to flesh. It would be many days before it healed completely. _Dammit, if little sugarpuff Laura hadn’t been starving me, I could heal in just a couple of days._

“Lesson three,” Mother’s voice was pleasant, almost kindly, “Vampire blood does not flow like human blood. But if you remove enough skin, there won’t be anything to hold it in.” With the dagger she cut off a wide swath of skin from my arm. She held the thin flesh out for Laura to see and then tossed it on the floor. Viscous blood started dripping down my arm, tickling as it oozed down my armpit and caught in my corset. “Unlike humans, who naturally replace lost blood by making more, vampires need the blood we drink from humans to replace any blood we lose.”

_She’s trying to weaken me. The weaker I am, the more susceptible I’ll be to whatever tortures she devises. I wish I’d had more blood from Laura and her little posse before Will came. I barely started to make up for the nine days of starvation._

“Lesson four,” Mother turned to the rack and exchanged the knife for a large metal rod.

I winced while her back was turned. I knew what was coming.

“Even broken bones will heal themselves without the need for a cast.” Mother continued before smashing the pole into my leg.

I felt it break into three pieces as I clenched my jaw so hard I thought my teeth might crack. I slumped as my leg crumpled beneath me, the rope biting into my wrists as it took my full bodyweight. _DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!_ I cursed inwardly, refusing to let Maman see the pain.

“Now, little child, keep in mind that it takes vampire strength to break vampire bones. You and your puny little friends could never hurt one of us like that. Thus ends the first lesson on vampires. We covered the basics today. Tomorrow we’ll do more advanced material. Your homework, dear Laura, is to watch how my sweet Carmilla’s bones start to heal.”

_It must be nearing sunrise. She needs a few hours to find a meal before going to sleep for the brightest part of the day._

Mother walked to the door and spoke loudly to someone standing in the hall. “They’re not to speak to each other. Gag them both.” Then she waved a dismissal and strode away.

The vampire at the door came in with two pieces of cloth in his hand. A cloth was forced into my mouth and tied behind my head, then the sentry left to stand guard outside the door.

When we were alone, I twisted so I could see Laura’s face. She was already facing me and— _Oh sweet, innocent, summer child_ —she was crying.

 _Don’t forget, if she hadn’t been starving you for two weeks neither of us would be here!_ That thought couldn’t stop my face from softening toward her. Until my broken leg twinged and I closed my eyes in pain. I shifted my weight onto my uninjured right leg while the bones excruciatingly moved back into alignment before starting the process of fusing back together. _I could almost touch her with my foot if it wouldn’t hurt to hold my leg up like that._

Laura watched in fascinated horror as what was bent became straight. I didn’t need to look. I’ve seen it before and feeling it is quite enough. In fact, I’d be feeling it for at least two weeks. Perhaps counterintuitively, bones fusing back together is a slower process than skin or even the more dispensable organs—bones being less malleable.

Eventually, Laura fell asleep. I watched, and thought. _How can I get out of this? Does Maman want me to confess that I was hindering her and beg for forgiveness? Or would confessing lead to her killing me? Do I need to keep trying to convince her of my innocence? How can I do that? Can I prove that Will was definitively going to kill Laura? Or, at least, could I make a convincing argument? What if she won’t believe me? She said she wants me back in the fold, but she needs to be convinced of my loyalty. How can I convince her? Would offering to help torture Laura be enough to convince her and get me out of here? Would she insist on holding me to that? Could I even pretend to betray Laura like that?_ I didn’t know enough to decide what to do, but my mind kept whirling.

Mother came back the next day and smiled at both of us. “Time for advanced vampire studies, little girl.” A minion followed her in to remove our gags and give us each some water to drink—a mere formality for me—then he left. She went over to the rack and carefully selected a sword. “Witness our strength, even against multiple attacks.” She drove the sword all the way through my right breast, through a lung and out my back. I gasped in a painful breath and then clamped my mouth shut. Leaving it in me, she picked another sword and drove it through my left breast, clipping my heart on its way through my other lung.

This time I couldn’t suppress a sharp moan. _Ohgod. Ooooooh… gooooood…_

A third sword went into my stomach and out my kidney.

“UNGH!” The abdominal movement involved in letting the grunt escape was excruciating.

The fourth sword skewered my liver and other kidney.

My vision filled with black spots for a moment. When I could see clearly, Maman was looking at Laura.

“Now, while my daughter _hangs out_ for a minute, it’s your turn.” She chuckled at her joke. “Just because you’re going to die soon, doesn’t mean I can’t punish you for prying into affairs that don’t concern you!”

 _No!_ I took a shallow breath and gasped, “Thank you, mother!”

She looked at me. “Thank you?”

Like exertion, oxygen is required for speaking. Even vampires can’t completely defy all the laws of physics or biology, and sound needs air to move through. I inhaled a little to keep going. But, oh did it hurt to breathe with swords stuck through both lungs. “For going easy on me.”

“Easy?” Her voice rose slightly.

“I thought I’d be unconscious before you made the little mouse squeak.” I made my voice disdainful when I referred to Laura. “I do so love watching you work. Thank you for letting me watch.”

“You want to watch?”

“Yes. It was so very kind of you to allow it.”

“Kind.” She spat the word like it was dirty. “I WAS NOT BEING KIND!” She roared, grabbing a spear and driving it through my chest. It crashed through my sternum and crushed the pieces of the bone plate into my trachea and lungs.

I choked on my scream, mouth open wide with no sound coming out. I couldn’t move any air to push the scream through. When faced with enough pain, the brain will shut down no matter what condition the body is in. I lost consciousness.

The next thing I felt was the spear being slowly pulled out through my back, between my shoulder blades. “Oh my sweet Carmilla, that was a little excessive. You should know better than to anger me like that.” She sighed. “Little Laura fell asleep after a few cuts and bruises. It’s too bad you had to miss it.”

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid. Next time I can’t let her get that angry when I draw her attention away._ I tried to speak, but I still couldn’t breathe around the wound in my chest.

“Don’t worry, my sweet, tomorrow will be fun, and I’ll make sure you get to see it when it’s the little girl’s turn.” Mother removed three of the swords from my torso and then looked at me. “Hmm, I’ll leave this one,” she gestured to the sword in my stomach and kidney, “so I can teach that little insect more about healing.”

When Maman left, I twisted to look at Laura. _A few cuts and bruises?!_ She was covered in blood, though I could tell by the way they bled that most of her wounds were shallow. Her blood sang out to me and I could feel exactly where it was leaving her body with each _pulse, pulse, pulse._ I could feel where each incision was located and how much blood they spilled: There were a few deeper gashes, one on her leg, one on her chest, one on her wrist, and one on her cheek. Each of them with blood flowing in waves, soaking through her shirt and pajama pants, racing to meet the ground. A dark drop dripping off her chin caught my eye and I felt a moment’s rage at Mother for marring her precious face. As I examined her face, I noticed dark redness spreading like ink on her cheek. Without the telltale blood meeting the air, I couldn’t tell where or how much she was bruised. I was sure there were more than the one I could see darkening on her face. I hoped fervently that maman hadn’t used her full strength to hit her.

_Damn you, Carmilla, damn you for letting this happen. If you’d been less rash with pissing off mummy dearest, you could have distracted her from this. You’d better not slip next time. And damn my mother for her cruelty. Even most vampires aren’t this sadistic._

I spent the time between—which I assumed was the daytime—watching Laura. I wanted to look into her eyes when she awoke and try to show her how sorry I was through my eyes and expression. While I waited, the sword in my gut pulled down with gravity and the weight of the blade and hilt. Not enough to leave my body, just enough to keep the bottom of the wound feeling like new. And as the time passed, I felt bones shifting incrementally in my chest, my trachea beginning to unfold like a hose, lungs expanding. Not enough to do me much good, but by the time Maman came back I just might be able to make a sound.

 _What is it about her?_ I couldn’t help but wonder. _Why are you so determined to keep this one alive? I mean, she’s decent looking, but you’ve seen beauties before, plenty more beautiful then her. I mean, she’s—her face is—her face is round and small. Her smile is really wide…_ I felt myself trying to smile through the gag at the thought of her smile. _No, Carmilla, you’re trying to prove she isn’t special! Look at her hair. It’s not brown or blond. Her hair is the color of grass when it’s been cut, but not the yellow color it turns initially, the color when it starts to go brown. It’s the color of light freckles, the freckles on a redhead’s face. It’s just this in between color, so why do I love it so much? I could get out of this without her so easily, find another naïve, uptight college student to seduce. All I have to do is convince Maman that I don’t care about her, prove my loyalty somehow, and get back in her good graces. So why don’t I? Why do I care for her?_

_Because she wants to help and she turns the wanting into action. Because she wants to protect people and save them. Because she would help me, even undeserving as I am. Because what she contains inside her is a shining beacon of goodness. Because her light shines out so bright in the darkness. She is a sun, she’s so full of brightness._

Laura did wake up after a time, and I stared at her as she realized where she was. She twisted in place to look at me, and her eyes were as wide as they could go, showing white all the way around. I tried to make my expression apologetic and comforting. _You don’t deserve this, sugarpie. I’ll keep it from you if I can._ I sighed silently, internally. _Alright Carmilla, are you prepared to draw the wrath? Hardly._ I answered myself. _Damn her for making me care about her. Damn her for trying to make the world better for even the likes of me. Damn her for fighting for everyone—for me—from the very start._

The next time was the same. A minion removed our gags and gave us drinks before leaving us alone with Mother.

“Pay attention mouse. Vampires can heal from anything other than a stake, decapitation, and immolation. However, when one has been skewered like Carmilla here—” Mother grabbed my shoulders and rotated me, making me grimace as I stumbled on my broken leg. She positioned me so Laura could see my front. Each hole from yesterday was already smaller, though perhaps not enough for Laura to see. I could look down at my chest where the corset didn’t reach and see shiny pink skin already forming around the edges of the wounds, which were each red at the center, gateways to look inside. But the sword that was still in me pushed into a hole rimmed with thick, red blood. Mother continued, “—The wound can’t heal completely until the object is removed.” Mother grabbed the sword and yanked it out of me.

I looked up into Laura’s eyes.

She looked back at me.

_Why are you looking at me like that? With all that feeling locked in your gaze? I am a monster, a coward. This may hurt me, but we both know it won’t kill me. We both know I’ll survive whatever happens and continue luring girls into my mother’s trap, maybe helping some escape. You will likely die. I don’t want you to die, but I doubt I can save you. And if I try… It’ll probably be both of us._

My thoughts were interrupted by the approach of my mother, carrying handfuls of small, sharp knives.

“Watch, little mousie, as I turn my daughter into a pincushion.”

Mother jabbed the small knives into me, grabbing more when she ran out. This was actually more tolerable than the spear yesterday, because the pain built up slowly enough for me to keep myself in control of it. Every time Maman slowed down or glanced at Laura, I gasped out some comment, like, “Already?” or “That wasn’t so bad.”

At one point I went hazy enough that I partially lost consciousness. I don’t know how long I was staring into a fog, but Laura’s cry of pain jerked me back to clear-sighted alertness. _Hold on, creampuff._

“Maman, have you lost your touch? I’m out for but a second and already you’ve given up on me?” I said, all innocence.

“The way you talk, it’s almost like you want to be tortured.” Maman said with suspicion.

“The way you torture, it’s almost like a walk in the park, so I certainly don’t mind.”

She went over to the rack and selected some larger knives. I tried to hide my satisfaction as she plunged the first one into me.

When Mother ran out of knives, I couldn’t help a little smile. I was dazed, my vision going staticky like those old TVs used to. Maman glanced at her expensive watch and made a dissatisfied face. “Well, it looks like I’ve run out of time.” She turned to me, “Carmilla, you made me take entirely too long with you. I think you’ll get something extra special tomorrow because of this.” She whipped around and strode out, motioning sharply for a guard to give us water and gag us for the interim.

 _Dammit, she’s leaving me with the knives. I won’t be able to regain any strength for tomorrow. Fuck this hurts._ There were knives in my wrists, in my feet, and everywhere in between. _I probably look like a porcupine or hedgehog._ My body swayed slightly, and I felt the motion in each of the knives. I moaned quietly. _Please, let this end soon. I can’t take much more. Ooh, not good. I can’t let her see that I’m cracking. If she does much worse than this I’ll offer to torture Laura myself. I can’t let that happen._

I turned to stare at Laura while she hung by her wrists with closed eyes. She was asleep, not unconscious, getting what rest she could before the next session of torture. I watched her, trying to remind myself of the satisfaction I get from my petty revenges against my mother. I tried to remind myself of what I was holding out for. _That girl, that shining torch of a girl. She’s the light that calls others to her standard for battle, and then the light that shows the way home. She’s the light on a front porch, attracting all the moths with her promise of safety and comfort._

_If I can last long enough and keep maman’s attention away from Laura maybe… well, they’ll still take her for whatever their purpose is, but at least she’ll be mostly whole and maybe will even die peacefully. If I can convince them I’m on their side, maybe I can get them to leave me alone with her. Then I could help her escape and we could run. If we run far enough, maybe they wouldn’t chase us. We could escape, the two of us. We could live out her life somewhere far away from here, I could keep her safe until she gets old and dies. Maybe we’d end up in Paris or Tokyo or New York or Toronto. We’d just be two people living life. But that’s never going to happen, Laura would never agree to run and leave Betty and the other girls to their fate. Even if it means her death._

I heard the door open, though I could barely focus my eyes. A minion came up to me and silently removed the knives, one by one, tossing them into a large container that he took with him when he left. I felt like a net, made out of holes and hanging on by a string. When Maman came in, she pulled a sword off the very end of the weapons’ rack and brought it over to me, holding it up so I could see it. “I had this sword specially made.” She said, turning the blade back and forth. It looked like a normal sword except for something sticking out part way down the blade.

Maman brought her special blade close, giving me a good look at it. Midway down the blade, symmetrical spikes protruded. They looked like the tips of an iron fence, but these were steel, sharp as any sword both at the tips and the sides. In fact they were almost short, thick swords themselves.

“Very nice, mother.” I said flatly. “I’m sure it’s a great whatever-it-is.”

She drove the sword into my gut, just below my bottom left rib. She didn’t stop until the spikes were swallowed in my body.

“So far it feels like a regular s—GUUUH!”

She twisted the sword. There was an audible squelching sound as my viscera scrambled like eggs. She twisted, and with her strength she scooped my organs with the barbs. Like a machine for carving something hollow, the barbs spun slowly, agonizingly. My stomach mashed, my liver became chopped liver, my intestines spooled and squeezed. I continued to yell in pain, screaming until I ran out of air.

She stopped and smiled at me.

 _Don’t show, don’t show, don’t show._ I took a deep breath. “That tickled.” I said, trying to sound unconcerned. Trying to act as though I had not just been screaming continuously while she scrambled me like an egg still in the shell.

She thrust three more of her special swords into me. She gave each one a quick twist, which drew cries of pain from me, before moving on to the next one. The final sword, in my heart, she kept twisting.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAHHHH!” _It’s not gonna kill you, it’s not gonna kill you, it can’t kill you, you’ll be fine if you just wait it out._ I tried to tell myself, but the pain started to block out my soothing thoughts.

 _Oh god, make it stop! Please make it—help me—stop—please. Stop. STOP! STOOOOOOOOOP! STOPSTOPPLEASESTOPPLEASESTOPPLEASE!_ “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH—Mother stop!” I gasped, tears running down my cheeks. “Mother please!”

She grabbed another one of the swords and twisted with both hands.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH PLEASE MAMAN!” I begged. “I’M SORRY! PLEASE STOP! I’LL DO ANYTHING! MAMAN STOP, I PROMISE! I PROMISE I’LL DO WHAT YOU WANT!” She paused, letting me catch my ragged breath. “I’ll be good. I’ll do what you want. Please no more.” I begged, my breath catching as sobs in my throat.

She smiled. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

“I’m sorry,” _Laura._ “I’m sorry,” _Laura._ “I’m so sorry,” _Laura._

“Oh silly girl, you don’t have to be sorry. Just be obedient.” Mother crooned at me.

 _She doesn’t know. Thank goodness._ If she knew whom I was really apologizing to, things would go much worse. _Of course, things will go much worse for me when she makes me hurt Laura. Because that’s the obvious next step to prove my obedience. If she’d kept twisting, she could have had me swear an oath and I would have._

“I’ll let you stew on your loyalties until I come back tomorrow night and then we’ll see what I can do with you.” Mother said, walking out of the room.

For once, I was glad of the gags they left us with. I couldn’t face Laura. _I don’t know what would be worse, if she was disappointed in me for giving up or if she was sympathetic and understanding._

Time passed, and my organs began to reform out of the mush they had been reduced to. There was barely anything left inside me that could be recognized as human, or even as discrete parts. The healing was agonizingly slow, but I could feel some bits of mush separating and forming into small clumps around the swords still impaling me.

My sharp hearing picked up an unfamiliar sound, and I looked attentively to the door. Soon, even Laura could hear the sounds of a struggle and made a noise through her gag that sounded like a question.

Suddenly, the door burst open. Like an avenging goddess, Danny fucking Lawrence pushed into the room. Taking everything in with one glance, she tossed her quarterstaff on the ground and grabbed a sword from the weapons rack. Whipping around, she fluidly swung the sword and chopped off the door guard’s head as he followed her in. Without stopping, Danny hurried over to us and swung her sword into the air, slicing through the rope that held Laura’s bound hands to the ring in the ceiling.

As Laura sagged, Danny wrapped an arm around her, holding her up. “Laura, I came as fast as I could! Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” She looked down at Laura with tenderness and noticed the gag. “Oh! Sorry.” Danny gently cut the bonds on Laura’s wrists and dropped the sword so she could pull the gag from her mouth.

“Danny!” Laura gasped. “How did you find us?”

“When no one had seen you for over 48 hours, we got worried and looked in your room. There were more of those notes, and so we checked your videos and saw Will attacking you and then leaving with you. LaFontaine and I followed him a few times to the Dean’s office, so we finally broke into her office and found a secret door. Perry refused to be a part of it, but she said she’s preparing for you to come back. The Summer Society is providing a diversion outside.” Danny hoisted Laura up into her arms, cradling her against her chest. “Let’s get you out of here.”

Laura stared adoringly up at her bright, strong warrior woman. I felt like a shadow, dark, insubstantial, passing over and then gone. _Who am I kidding, I don’t belong in her world. I don’t belong with her._

Danny started to walk toward the door when Laura spoke. “Wait.”

Danny stopped. Laura turned her head so it was resting on Danny’s shoulder, looking back at me.

“What about Carmilla?” She asked.

“What about her?” Danny said, sounding affronted.

“We have to save her too.”

_Don’t, cupcake. You wouldn’t save me if you knew what I would have done if we’d been left here one more day._

“Laura, it’s sweet of you to say that, but it’s Carmilla’s fault you’re here to begin with. She’s one of them, she’s been luring girls to their deaths for centuries!”

“She’s been helping them too. And she helped me.”

“Helped you?” Danny asked.

But Laura looked at me, and spoke to me when she said, “I know what you were doing that whole time. Every time the Dean so much as looked at me, you got her mad at you. You got her to torture you instead.”

My corset and jeans were cut to tatters, but that’s not why I felt naked. My wrists were bound to the ceiling, but that’s not why I felt trapped. _She knows! How could she tell? Oh god, does she suspect what I feel for her? Does she know I love her? If she knows, does that mean she doesn’t like me? God, if she noticed that I was protecting her, it must have been less subtle than I thought. Maman probably noticed! God I hope Maman didn’t notice._

Danny gave me a look, not quite admiration, just acknowledgement. She put Laura down against a wall and strode over to me. She picked up the sword. “If what Laura says is true…” She trailed off, looking at me.

“Of course not.” I managed to make it sound scornful. _They should just go and leave me here. If Laura escapes, Maman can’t make me hurt her. And if they leave me here, Maman will believe I’m still on her side. It’s perfect, actually. Laura can just keep living her life without me to mess it up and I’ll keep living in the darkness, at my mother’s side, finding my petty revenges and nothing will ever change._

“Stop pretending, Carmilla, I know you were trying to protect me.” Quieter she said, “Please, Danny, help her.”

Danny relented. “Of course, if that’s what you want.”

“Wait, you should leave me here. I’ll slow you down and Maman will know I’m...” _on your side? A traitor? Falling in love with Laura?_ I didn’t know how to finish my sentence.

“Laura, she has a point.” Danny said, listening to me for once.

“We’re not leaving you.” Laura said, and that was that, I could see it in Danny’s eyes how Laura’s word ended all argument.

She swung the sword and cut me down. I fell to the floor, landing face-first hard enough to drive the four swords further out my back. I made a noise between a loud exhale and a cry.

“Danny, you have to pull the swords out!” Laura instructed.

“Should I roll her over, or…”

“NO!” I gasped. “They’re barbed, it’ll be worse that way. You’ll have to pull the hilts through.”

Danny cursed and grabbed one of the swords, giving it a yank. It didn’t budge. She pulled a little harder. “It’s not working!”

“Pull like you mean it, you weakling.” I goaded her. “Use your leg to brace if you have to.”

Danny put her foot in the center of my back. “I! Am not! A weakling!” She yelled, finally pulling the sword through my back. She grabbed the next sword and pulled that one.

I smelled blood.

“Danny,” I said quietly, so Laura couldn’t hear, “use the gags as grips so you don’t cut your hands deeper. You know Laura would be upset.”

She didn’t say anything, but I could imagine the stunned look her face must have worn. She found the two cloths and resumed removing the swords. When she finished, I pushed myself onto my hands and knees and tried to get up. My vision faded and I felt my arms give way.

“I’m too weak. You’ll have to leave me here.”

“Okay,” Danny agreed readily.

“How are you weak? Aren’t you a super-strong vampire?” Laura piped up.

“I’m a vampire who has been tortured, had my organs turned into a smoothie, had prolonged exposure to garlic, and has barely eaten in over two weeks.” I snapped.

“Oh.” She had the grace to sound guilty.

“So that’s it then. Laura, we need to go.” Danny started back across the dungeon.

“No.” Laura responded. There was a heavy silence. “Carmilla, drink my blood.”

“WHAT?!” Danny and I said in unison.

“Laura, you are not letting her kill you—”

“She’s not going to kill me.” Laura responded confidently. “Right Carmilla? You’ll stop before you take too much.”

“Will I?” Weakened and starving as I was, I did not share her confidence.

“If you drink some of my blood, you’ll be strong again, right? Strong enough?”

 _Fresh… warm…_ “Yes.” I admitted.

“NO!”

“Danny, think about it. You’re going to carry me out of here either way because—I don’t think you both noticed, but—the Dean messed up my foot.”

I stared at her. _Fuck, my mother hurt her more than I thought._

“When you’re carrying me, you won’t be able to protect us if any vampires come after us. If Carmilla gets stronger, she can help us.”

Danny literally growled. “I hate this plan.” She bit the words through a grimace.

“I do too.” I agreed.

Laura started crawling over to where I lay. As she passed Danny, I heard Danny take a breath as if she were about to speak, but she didn’t say anything. She reached me and sat back on her knees. I pushed myself onto my hands and knees as she grabbed me around the ribs and drew me to her, embracing me.

My head fell to her shoulder, turned in to her neck. My lips were just millimeters from her skin, not yet breaking the intimacy barrier of touch.

 _Pulse. Pulse. Pulse._ I could feel her heart pushing her blood through her body. Her arteries and veins were like the strings of an upright bass, thrumming with the rhythm of life. With my ear to her skin I could hear the pizzicato, the heartbeat of the symphony of her. With each pluck I could feel my whole body shudder in response.

 _Pulse. Pulse._ Her blood sang to me, warm, exquisite in motion. Against my lips, I could feel the fluttering of the displaced air every time her pulse swelled the skin over her arteries. Still, I hesitated. _What are you doing, Carmilla? Just because she offers herself to you like a sacrificial lamb does not make it right to accept her sacrifice._

_Pulse. Pulse. Pulse. Pulse._

_But I’m so hungry._

Laura reached up and buried her hand in my hair, pressing my lips into her neck.

_PULSE. PULSE. PULSE._

I stopped resisting. I sank my fangs into her and let the warm blood flow into my mouth, gulping deep drafts. I felt it fill me, warming me, replacing what had been lost. It was coppery, salty, and—I swear, maybe because of all the cookies she eats—sweet. I felt my healing begin to accelerate, the organs forming faster, the holes knitting shut. I felt the blood warm up my muscles, bringing them power and energy. My insides were still a mess, but I’d be able to work around that now.

Laura had gasped when I first bit her, but then she was silent, letting me take what I needed—what I couldn’t admit I wanted. I drank what felt like a full glass of blood and felt Laura sway. _I must stop soon. But I need more. I need more. No! Laura!_

After several more gulps I pulled back. Blood pooled in the crevice between shoulder and neck. I lapped it with my tongue and licked away the blood from the wounds, as was the convention when you were keeping your victims alive. Laura shuddered, though whether from revulsion or something else I could not tell. I backed out of her embrace, pushing myself up easily. But I still had to put my weight on one leg.

Laura slumped, and as I bent to help her up, Danny rushed forward.

“Don’t bother,” I could hear the disgust in her voice. She swatted my hand away and pulled Laura to her feet. “I’ve got you, Laura sweetie.” She picked Laura back up, holding her to her chest. Turning to me with Laura in her arms, Danny said, “Alright vampire, you get to go first. Clear our path.” She passed me a stake from her pocket and stepped aside to let me go to the door.

“I need a splint for my leg. It’s broken.” I said.

Danny pushed her lips together and glared at me. “Fine.” She grabbed her quarterstaff, the gags, and the ropes. Then she practically threw them at me. I broke the staff and tied it to my broken leg myself.

I was still far from peak, still half-blind from the pain inside me, but I went through the door and started climbing the stairs. I gasped and panted from just climbing, pain shooting through me like lightning. In the Dean’s office, there were a few vampires regrouping. Luckily, I had the element of surprise and managed to stake the three of them. Despite it being all of three arm movements, I needed to lean against my mother’s desk before I keeled over.

“Come on!” Danny cocked her head at the door, demanding I keep moving.

Out the door, down hallways and more stairs and through more doors and we were outside. After the dark of the dungeon, it was a shock to step outside into bright sunlight. Women with war paint were throwing things at the windows of the building and throwing their ammo at anyone who tried to stop them. Dodging as best I could, I stumbled through the crowd towards our dorm. I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure Danny was keeping up.

We made it back to the dorm with only a few incidents. When we got to our room, Perry was waiting with mugs.

“A gentle chicken broth for you,” She chirped, handing a mug to Laura.   
“Annnd, ahem, blood. For you.” She passed me a mug.

I downed it in three, quick gulps.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have internal organs to regrow.” I said, before falling, insensate, onto my bed. My last visual memory was of Laura, still in Danny’s arms.

When I woke up, I knew that I’d been asleep a long time. I looked to Laura’s bed. She was there, sitting up, talking to someone out of my field of vision. I tried to sit up and groaned.

“Carm? Carm!” Laura said.

_When did she start calling me that?_

A face took over my line of sight. It was Perry with another mug of blood thrust out at me. “Here. Drink.” She commanded.

I took the mug and started drinking.

“How long have I been asleep?” I asked, looking towards Laura.

“Two days.” Was Perry’s perfunctory reply.

Looking around Perry, I saw that Laura was talking to LaFontaine and Danny. I held in a sigh and gave up on talking to her. I also immediately discarded the idea of getting up because I could feel that my body was not done with repairs. I reached behind me to grab my current literary conquest and try to read, but soon slipped back into sleep.

The next time I opened my eyes, the room was dark. It was night, but was it 8pm night or 3am night? I had no idea. “Cupcake?”

“Carm!” She sounded breathless, though I didn’t know why.

“Sorry if I woke you.”

“No, no, I was awake.”

I heard a metallic clicking sound and there was light. Laura was limping towards me.

“No, no, cupcake, don’t walk on your injured foot!” I tried to get out of bed and almost passed out. “Dammit.” I muttered, falling back against my pillow. I looked longingly at her bed where her comfortable yellow pillow slumped against the headboard. As soon as I could stand up, I’d have to sneak it away again so that I could fall asleep drowning in her scent.

“It’s okay Carm, you got the worst of it, by, like, a lot. So I can walk on my _healing_ foot across the _five feet_ between our beds to sit here.” She sat on the edge of my bed, careful not to touch me anywhere.

I took a good look at her for the first time and noticed a gauze pad taped to her cheek and bandages on her collarbone and arms. The blood had been washed away, I could hardly smell it anymore. “How are you doing? Who patched you up?”

“LaFontaine is surprisingly good at putting people back together, considering how good they are at, um, dissecting.” She laughed awkwardly.

“Good, that’s good.” I said, glad that she was getting the attention she deserved.

“Sooo…” Laura began again after a pause.

I didn’t say anything. She’d say what she wanted to—or not—whether I made pointless noises or not.

“Your mother, the Dean—”

“Can we wait until after I regrow all my organs before having that conversation?” I interrupted. I was definitely not feeling up to investigating and deducing and planning right now.

“Sorry, sorry, of course.” Laura pulled in her legs and turned so she was sitting cross-legged and facing me.

When she turned, I got a better look at her. _She looks… haunted. And I can see the spot where I bit her. It’s going to leave a scar—the bites always scar._ I scooted myself into an upright position closer to her. I reached out and lightly brushed the scabbed punctures on her neck with my fingertips. “I’m sorry.” I said, “I’m sorry I bit you. It’s probably going to scar. They usually do.”

She grabbed my fingers and I automatically flinched back. But she held on and pressed them into the skin on her neck. “It’s okay, Carm. I asked you to. You needed the strength. I needed you to have the strength.” She dropped my fingers then, and leaned toward me. Reaching out slowly, she pressed her fingertips to the new, pink skin forming around the edges of the wound on my heart. After both a knife and a barbed sword had punched through the same place, the wound had only healed a little. Laura ran two fingers split around the edges where the smooth, shiny new skin had grown. “Besides, you got the worst of it by far. As I, um, already said. And deny it all you want, but I know you were trying to protect me.”

I felt that denial rise up in my chest, angry and scared and expecting pain, preparing to run and hide. And I felt the guilt and the shame, weighted down with the knowledge of what would have come next. “Creampuff, if we had been there one more day, I would have been helping Maman torture you.” _There. Interpret that how you like and maybe you’ll understand why I’m dangerous for you._

“What?”

“I had just told her I’d do whatever she wanted. And knowing Maman, she would have made me torture you to break any ties between us and show me that nothing can come between me and her. It would have kept me belonging to her. And if you hated or feared me I would have nowhere else to turn but back to her. It was the logical next step.”

“That’s—that’s awful.”

“Yes, but it works. So, you see, any longer and I’d have become your enemy, not—” _Whatever I even am to you._

“If I’d been in your place, I’m sure I would have helped her torture you.”

“No, you wouldn’t.” _Not anyone, not even me. Don’t you get that? You would protect anyone, even me. You care about everyone, even your awful roommate. While I would only protect you. I care about no one, except you._

“It doesn’t matter, Carm. It’s over, and we never have to find out who would have tortured whom to save herself. It didn’t happen. You didn’t give in, I didn’t give in. That’s all that matters.”

“You don’t understand. I did give in. I was ready to make promises. I was going to do whatever she wanted. _I had already given in._ I had already betrayed you.” _She doesn’t understand. This is not a hypothetical, it already happened. I had already told Maman that I would do what she wanted. She just didn’t get the chance to watch me follow through with the promise I’d already made._

“Carmilla…”

“I’m not some heroic protector, don’t you understand? I’m a traitor, just trying to save my own skin. I betrayed mother and, when I couldn’t endure any more, I betrayed you.”

“But you endured! You held out for so long, longer than most people would or could. You endured torture that would kill any other person—”

“I’m a vampire.”

“You’re a vampire who tried to protect a human by letting yourself get tortured.”

“But—”

She cut me off by leaning forward and kissing me. Then she pulled back, a horrified expression on her face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, I just—”

I reached forward and pulled her back to me, wrapping my arms around her. I kissed her hard. Her arm wound around my neck while her other hand landed on my chest. I felt it against my wound, the ache of the opening into me bearing the pressure of her palm. She would leave with my blood on her hand. My new skin warmed to her touch, and that warmth penetrated to my reforming heart.


End file.
